Baby showers. Professional pregnancy belly photos. Decorating the nursery. The exciting drive to the hospital for delivery. All very normal things that normal pregnant women get to experience.

I missed out on all of them.

When we found out we were having twins, we were almost instantly also told that twins almost always come early and that 37 weeks is considered “term” for twins. That being said, my doctor’s goal was to make it to 38 weeks (he was a very optimistic guy). As the pregnancy went on and I read more about twins and their moms, our goal was to make it to 36 weeks, but we were prepared for as early as maybe 34 weeks. Given that my due date was April 3 if I were to carry them the full 40 weeks, that meant that our babies could be born anywhere from about mid-February to about mid-March. In my gut, I always knew they’d be earlier than expected or planned, but never in my wildest dreams was I prepared for January babies.

Being the super planner that I am, I began planning WAY in advance – just in case. I created a registry in early November – as soon as we were certain they were girls. At my appointment the week after Thanksgiving, I made a trip on over to the hospital to schedule our tour of the birthing center, where we would get a chance to go ahead and fill out paperwork and such, as well as talk to the staff about our birthing plan, etc. I scheduled it for January 2. A couple of weeks later, I went ahead and scheduled us for our infant care class and our childbirth class – both for the first week in January. Finally, we decided we would stay here in Tennessee for Christmas this year instead of traveling to Kansas, and we would use that time to assemble the cribs and get the nursery all settled. Finally, my mom wanted to come visit for New Year’s, and we thought we could use that time to shop for a gown and robe and other items needed for my hospital bag. Essentially, I would have everything done and completed by about the second week in January, so if the doctor decided at that time to put me on bed rest, that would be fine, because all I would be doing was sitting and waiting for the girls to come anyway.

Then came my doctor appointment on December 20. Due to an abnormally high blood pressure (140-something over 90-something), protein in my urine, and sudden and excessive weight gain (13 lbs since my appointment 3 weeks prior), the doctor sent me immediately over to the hospital from his office. He wanted me to do a 24-hour observation, in which they would try to get my blood pressure under control and do a 24-hour urine to count the amount of protein. Once my 24 hours was up, I was diagnosed with mild preeclampsia and was sent home on strict orders of bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy……which meant all of my plans mentioned above were tossed out the window,

So much for planning and trying to be prepared.

The next 2 1/2 weeks, my preeclampsia escalated very quickly, and on January 7, I was admitted to the hospital for good. Two and a half days later, I gave birth to my girls.

To top it off, I didn’t even get to hold or touch or kiss my girls once they were born. In fact, I didn’t even lay eyes on them until about 36 hours later. They were whisked up to the NICU as soon as they were born, and I was sent back to my room to lay for another 24+ hours with the stupid magnesium drip that left me drugged out of my mind. Once taken off the drip, I had to wait for it to leave my system, and then had to prove to the nurse that I was capable of walking – or at least standing to get into a wheelchair. And THEN I had to prove that I could walk to and from the bathroom so that they would take out my catheter. FINALLY, after all of that, they let me go see my girls.

In many ways, I feel that I was robbed of so many of the joys of pregnancy. And given my experience with preeclampsia, I’m not sure that I will try pregnancy again. I am thankful that I did at least document the six months I did get to enjoy of pregnancy, so I at least have belly pictures (however amateur) to show the girls one day, and I have a very detailed timeline of every pregnancy moment, ultrasound, symptom, etc. At least I have that.